Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

O Vader, Where Art Thou?

Posted by Mongo

Vader.  He is the man of constant sorrow.  He’s seen troubles all through his days.

Dapper Darth Helmet Wax
Now available at Skreened and Red Bubble.

One of the biggest thrills of doing shirt design is to try and find two polar opposite themes and just smash them both together.  Hopefully, the result is something that plays well on a shirt.  Better yet, is when you see the design and your mind wanders off into the madness of how really close those two opposing ideas are.

There is a lot more going on between O Brother Where Art Thou and Star Wars than you can imagine.   Just take a look at the next two weeks after the end of A Hew Hope.

I could just imagine… and I hope someone actually has the brains to make a video of this… Darth Vader walking into some Podunk outer rim shop to get parts for his busted up Tie Fighter and some Helmet Wax.  The shopkeeper tells him that the parts are not available and won’t be in for a while.   After handing the Sith Lord a can of FET Wax, Vader gets testy.  Saying he doesn’t want FET.  He’s a Dapper Darth Man.  When the shopkeeper, again, tells him that in order to get Dapper Darth he’d have to wait, Darth goes off on him.

“Why, this place is a geographical oddity. 12 parsecs from everywhere.”

I imagine the scene ends with a dead shopkeeper on the floor.

But, perhaps Darth doesn't lose his touch of the blues and eventually, on his death bed he decides it's time for one last jam session...

Sports Tees For The Not So Major Leaguer

Posted by Mongo

Sports tees are always in fashion.  The NFL, NHL, MLB, NBA, and a host of other alphabet soup organizations derive much of their profits from licensed apparel emblazoned with the logos of teams in their leagues.  And while it’s always expensive to go out and buy authentic looking shirts and hats there is still a market for off brands and nondescript merchandise.  You can find shirts in Walmart that say “ALLSTAR” or “CHAMP” or any other generic sports themed gear for your sports nut, but admittedly, it’s not quite the same.

Well, what if you aren’t into traditional sports?  What if you aren’t the king of the gridiron or assassin of the court?  What if the best thing you were good at in school was, say, nukem?   We’re not even talking about traditional volleyball.  We’re talking about the game where you catch the ball and then throw it over the net.  That’s why Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! wants to recognize the gym class hero and playground phenom in all of us with these designs. 

Kickball Champ

Get Kickball Champ at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened

If you didn’t get picked last on the playground you must have a pretty decent leg.  Great punters and place kickers have to start somewhere.  Might as well be the one who can kick that big red rubber ball past the dumpster.


Dodgeball King

Get Dodgeball King at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened
 
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.  That piece of advice from Patches O'Houlihan is essential along with Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and... Dodge.   And while you’re at it, catch the damn thing and get your team back on the court.

Scooter Soccer Star

Get Scooter Soccer Star at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened

With the World Cup and the drone of the Vuvuzelas safely in the rearview mirror for a bit, it’s time to start searching for the next superstar of the field.  What better way to show your athletic prowess than to advertise that, in grade school, you were the king of the multipurpose room that doubled as a cafeteria, auditorium, and gym class.  While your sensory skills in determining who was picking you in Thumbs Up Seven Up is in line with The Medium, your ability to scoot yourself down the linoleum and make a goal in Scooter Soccer was nothing short of David Beckham on a good day.



All State Paper Football

Get All State Paper Football at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened

On the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field,  football legends were separated from mere mortals.  The grid iron is a place to crush your opponent’s will and body as you march down the field towards destiny.  However, if you can’t run, hit, kick, or catch, you can still be an All American in Study Hall by correctly folding a piece of paper.  Don’t laugh, the ability to adjust your game for table top grain is indeed a valuable skill to be had.


Lawn Dart Champion

Get Lawn Dart Champ at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened

Kids are wimps these days.  What do they know about the rough and tumble world of previous generations’ backyard games.  In my youth, we threw huge darts at each other and never moved as we waited to see who could make it inside the ring at our feet.   Then someone had to go and ban the game of Lawn Darts.  I tell you, those were the days of wrought iron metal jungle gyms, hanging over concrete playgrounds, and slides with reflective metal that made for the equivalent of a cheese grater on the back of your legs as you slid down in the hot sun.  Soft molded plastic and recycled tennis shoe rubber have made our kids weaklings.


There you are, sport tees for all us recess superstars.

If you want to learn how to achieve the faded or vintage look for these designs follow the links below.

Julius Caesar Cheat Shirt by Jack A Barker

Posted by Mongo

Now this is funny.  I love a good theatre geek shirt.  It's from a shopkeeper named Jack A Barker. 

Father's Day Shirts

Posted by Mongo

Father’s Day. The epitome of bad ties, homemade gifts and unfulfilled promises of a relaxing day. Of course, isn’t that always the case? Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are kind of a joke holiday, much like Arbor Day. As a parent, at least one that is not retired, it is nearly impossible to relax on a Sunday in the late Spring, early Summer transitional period. There’s too many things to do. I have a yard, a pool, a wife, a child. There’s no rest for the wicked, just a series of things to do while I am home from work, holiday be damned.

But what about those males who aren’t exactly the father type? Maybe you made a deposit at a “bank” for some extra cash in college or maybe you are David Crosby. In any case, the end result is that you have a child out there and damnit, you should be able to celebrate as well. That’s why Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! recognizes that even though you may or may not have been there for the conception, you should be able to get your fair share of lousy ties… or these cool shirts and other stuff.


Biden Drops The F-Bomb

Posted by Mongo

The Health Care Reform Bill has been signed into law. It was a historic piece of legislation that, of course, no one agrees upon and ultimately will be debated long after that horse has been beaten and killed. Now, regardless of whether or not you agree, disagree, condone, applaud, admonish, or whatever with the law you have to agree that it is as Vice President Joe Biden said, “A Big F**king Deal!” Expect Jason Sudeikis to be all over SNL this weekend doing his impression of Joe Biden.

Just in case SNL doesn’t decide to take advantage of the Veep Bleep, I decided to put together a couple of designs for the occasion.

First off my own version of the BFD moment mixed with a little bit of retro advertisement humor from the 1950s. Now, I am only showing you the censored version of this design but, rest assured, I have included an uncensored Biden Tested, Biden Approved version as well. Simply click the links underneath to see them.

This Is A Big F**king Deal!


Get it at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened
(Skreened has censored version only)


And as a generalized expression of dropping the F Bomb I give you a graphical representation of doing just that.


Dropping the F-Bomb

Get it at CafePress, Zazzle, and Skreened

North Face Sues South Butt While World Giggles Uncontrollably

Posted by Mongo

I considered the title to this as Corporate Legal Department thinks they Got a Match? Our Face and Your Butt. 

I’m posting this in the regular blog as well as the shop just because this whole premise is funny to me, but then again so are jokes about flatulence. Here’s the back story.  16 year old Jimmy Winkelmann from Missouri founded a parody company called The South Butt. The premise is a parody of overly priced, pretentious outfitter, The North Face. Personally, I find it hilarious since you are comparing anatomy and I love their tagline, “Never Stop Relaxing"  which spoofs The North Face's "Never Stop Exploring."   The logo design for North Face has three curved lines like a mountain while The South Butt has two curved lines in an opposite direction and opposite side of the logo.


Logo for The North Face and South Butt
along with picture of Winkelmann

Here lies the problem. The North Face is suing this young upstart entrepreneur, who is now in college, over a pending trademark application. I guess they saw a possible confusion between their Face and his Butt mark.  Winkelmann countered the cease and desist demand by North Face by offering to sell out for a million dollars. North Face declined and then outright sued.

So, they went to court and the judge, between fist of laughter, told the two stop butting heads and work out their problems through mediation. Things didn’t go well and The North Face asked for an injunction if no settlement could be reached. That won’t be seen until April of 2010.

Here’s where I applaud the young man. He had an idea, he made it happen and now he’s being punished for it. He even shamed…or pwned The North Face by donating clothes to a Children’s Hospital and simply asked The North Face to match it. They expressed no interest. Now that’s business. That will go far in the court of public opinion.

The quibble over saving face…or butt is not for me to decide. Frankly, I think North Face is a bit of a snob and regardless of Gore-Tex or HyVent in their products, their prices are ridiculous and their brand is usually for people who go to ski resorts to wear the trendy clothing and not actually do any skiing. Aspen pretentiousness is all I’m saying.

As a shopkeeper with a penchant for parody, I throw my total support behind the little guy here considering the playing field for market share is clearly in TFN’s favor. I love the idea of totally going after an entity that is owned by a bigger conglomerate and tries to pass itself off as being rooted in its supposed product line and lifestyle. It’s Vanity Fair for crissakes!

This is simply The North Face beating its chest so that it doesn’t become the butt of someone else’s joke. Too late, I say. While I do admit that some of the tactics are a bit juvenile and won’t score him points in a favorable ruling. However, they are totally playing into the humor by saying things like “There could be brand confusion.” Of course, an 18 year old, now armed with the basics of copyright and trademark law can now humorously craft a response like “There appears to be little recognition, if any, that the savvy of consumers precludes anyone from confusing a face with a butt.”

At the heart of the matter, Jimmy wanted to pay for college and got some startup money from his parents to match his capital. Now, he’s producing a clothing line that is smacking the ass of corporate business just a little too much. My only suggestion to him is too maybe relax the parody a bit and become more of a niche business. Parody works for a reason and if you dip into that well too many times you run the risk of becoming a one joke comedian. If you want to thrive in a business that spoofs you need to develop your own model that nods to another. The more you poke the big lion in the cage with a stick, the more you risk pulling back a bloody stump. TFN probably has more legal defenses than Jimmy can afford and no amount of public support will trump that.

Still, I’d love to see him win this one, just on principle alone.

I Have Commitment Issues With New York

Posted by Mongo

I am a born and raised Southwestern Pennsylvania Mongo. I grew up in between the cow patty filled pastures of rural farmlands and the hustle and bustle of the mid size metropolis known as Pittsburgh. I always thought I would be a city boy at heart and always wanted to live in places like New York or San Francisco and the like. It was my background as an actor and love of the electric feel of the urban skyline that made me want to take that plunge, but the high cost of living, traffic, close quarters and quite frankly my desire to live a long life and not end up as a statistic that kept me near the suburbs.

Of course, I still like to visit. I’ve been to San Francisco and would go back in a heartbeat but New York is one of those cities that I really want to love but have problems committing to that emotion. I was there recently on business in 2006 and didn’t get much of a chance to sight see. I did manage to walk from Madison Ave to Times Square and back on more than one occasion. There’s an awesome little bar for small town guys like me called Mulligan’s on the way. I found it after I realized that most establishments wouldn’t like to cater to the sweatshirt and jeans clad clientele and figured what better way to find a decent drink in Gotham than to ask one of its working class heroes, a doorman.

I’d still love to take in my first Broadway show and do all the touristy stuff again, but money being what it is and my ever emerging social anxiety disorder…actually I think it’s more spatial anxiety disorder. I’m getting to big in britches to fit into tiny places…I find myself unwilling or unable to make the trip. So, with that in mind I give you a couple of designs for those of us who really want to love NY but just can’t commit.


I Like Like NY
Get it at CaféPress or Zazzle




I Have Commitment Issues With NY
Get it at CaféPress or Zazzle

Merry Mongo Christmas

Posted by Mongo

With Christmas Shopping in full swing, why not give that special someone a Christmas shirt they won’t be embarrassed to wear around. M.A.M.S The Store is offering several designs with new ones added regularly. Warning, some are not kid friendly and could offend Aunt Harriet so be careful.

First up, we honor the reason for the season and guess what? It’s a Celebration, Bitches!
Depicting what might have transpired between the three wise men before they showed up at the manger with 2 out of 3 crappy gifts. The design comes in black or white with several shirt styles and colors to choose from as well as bags, mugs, and other gifts as well.


Get It’s a Celebration, Bitches!
From CaféPress and Zazzle.

Next up, who doesn’t love A Christmas Story? Here we take some of the best memories and bastardize the hell out of them.

When Ralphie muttered the Queen Mother of all dirty words, we all laughed because we’ve been there, as kids. So, why not show Mom and Dad what you really meant instead of the F dash dash dash word.




Get Oh, Fudge!
from CaféPress and Zazzle

When you win a major award from Italy….it said Fra Gee Lay on the box, you want to show it off in your window. And nothing says major like a fishnet stocking leg lamp. This one combines with the popular phrase “I Love Lamp,” uttered by Brick Tamland from Anchorman The Legend of Ron Burgundy with the soft warm glow of electric sex in the window inspired by the Leg Up Lamp from Christmas Story.




Get I Love Lamp
from CaféPress or Zazzle

The song goes, “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus” but I think this little girl stuck around and saw what Santa put in Mommy’s stocking. I don’t think it would have been a laugh if Daddy caught them and frankly, you have good leverage to get that pony this year. Design comes in Black, White, or “Hell, I’m embarrassed” Red on any number of style or color shirts as well as mugs, buttons, etc.




I saw what else you did to Mommy
is available from CaféPress and Zazzle

And lastly, you want to let the world know exactly what you got going on by telling it like it is. I’m Hung Like a Christmas Stocking comes in two styles, short and sweet for easy reading, or a little more descriptive with the additional line (by the chimney with care)


I’m Hung Like a Christmas Stocking
is available from CaféPress and Zazzle

Merry Christmas, Hallelujah, Holy Shirt, where’s the Tylenol.

University of Florida Police Department Zombie Task Force

Posted by Mongo

It’s been a good year for zombies. The opening of Zombieland in theaters is perfect timing for the genre. While you sit there with your popcorn, think about this, “What is your zombie plan?” Recently, the UF website listed, among other disaster preparedness exercises, a plan for the campus to handle a zombie attack. Unfortunately, as amusing as it was, the administration thought it a little silly and had it removed. Thanks to the power of the Internet, someone preserved a copy. Truthfully, this is a well thought out document. Hysterical, but well planned. I personally like the terminology of ZBSD (Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder) and the fact they have a Infected Co-worker Dispatch Form.

This all flows from the fact that earlier this year, zombies have been on the brain among civil services. Pun intended. First there was the geeks that hacked an Austin DOT digital road sign and changed the message to WARNING ZOMBIES AHEAD! Then there was the Boston Police Department’s Twitter Feed explaining their transparency when dealing with a potential outbreak. Would they let us know? Absolutely.

So, of course, I’m all over this like a reanimated corpse on gray matter. I give you a designs for the...




The design uses the abbreviation of UFPD for the department above a recreation of the badge for Campus Police. Underneath the badge are the words, "University of Florida Police Department Zombie Task Force." and the stylized phrase "We're Here For You." All the standard products are there including mugs, tote bags, magnets, hats, and various shirts for the whole family.

I fully expect to have this one pulled but wanted to get it out there while I tweak the design in case of Content Usage Police Force. I used my previous designs for the BPD, NYPD, and Evans City PD Zombie Task Forces as the template in creating this one.