O Vader, Where Art Thou?

But, perhaps Darth doesn't lose his touch of the blues and eventually, on his death bed he decides it's time for one last jam session...
Now this is funny. I love a good theatre geek shirt. It's from a shopkeeper named Jack A Barker.
Father’s Day. The epitome of bad ties, homemade gifts and unfulfilled promises of a relaxing day. Of course, isn’t that always the case? Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are kind of a joke holiday, much like Arbor Day. As a parent, at least one that is not retired, it is nearly impossible to relax on a Sunday in the late Spring, early Summer transitional period. There’s too many things to do. I have a yard, a pool, a wife, a child. There’s no rest for the wicked, just a series of things to do while I am home from work, holiday be damned.
But what about those males who aren’t exactly the father type? Maybe you made a deposit at a “bank” for some extra cash in college or maybe you are David Crosby. In any case, the end result is that you have a child out there and damnit, you should be able to celebrate as well. That’s why Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! recognizes that even though you may or may not have been there for the conception, you should be able to get your fair share of lousy ties… or these cool shirts and other stuff.
The Health Care Reform Bill has been signed into law. It was a historic piece of legislation that, of course, no one agrees upon and ultimately will be debated long after that horse has been beaten and killed. Now, regardless of whether or not you agree, disagree, condone, applaud, admonish, or whatever with the law you have to agree that it is as Vice President Joe Biden said, “A Big F**king Deal!” Expect Jason Sudeikis to be all over SNL this weekend doing his impression of Joe Biden.
Just in case SNL doesn’t decide to take advantage of the Veep Bleep, I decided to put together a couple of designs for the occasion.
First off my own version of the BFD moment mixed with a little bit of retro advertisement humor from the 1950s. Now, I am only showing you the censored version of this design but, rest assured, I have included an uncensored Biden Tested, Biden Approved version as well. Simply click the links underneath to see them.
I considered the title to this as Corporate Legal Department thinks they Got a Match? Our Face and Your Butt.
I’m posting this in the regular blog as well as the shop just because this whole premise is funny to me, but then again so are jokes about flatulence. Here’s the back story. 16 year old Jimmy Winkelmann from Missouri founded a parody company called The South Butt. The premise is a parody of overly priced, pretentious outfitter, The North Face. Personally, I find it hilarious since you are comparing anatomy and I love their tagline, “Never Stop Relaxing" which spoofs The North Face's "Never Stop Exploring." The logo design for North Face has three curved lines like a mountain while The South Butt has two curved lines in an opposite direction and opposite side of the logo.
I am a born and raised Southwestern Pennsylvania Mongo. I grew up in between the cow patty filled pastures of rural farmlands and the hustle and bustle of the mid size metropolis known as Pittsburgh. I always thought I would be a city boy at heart and always wanted to live in places like New York or San Francisco and the like. It was my background as an actor and love of the electric feel of the urban skyline that made me want to take that plunge, but the high cost of living, traffic, close quarters and quite frankly my desire to live a long life and not end up as a statistic that kept me near the suburbs.
Of course, I still like to visit. I’ve been to San Francisco and would go back in a heartbeat but New York is one of those cities that I really want to love but have problems committing to that emotion. I was there recently on business in 2006 and didn’t get much of a chance to sight see. I did manage to walk from Madison Ave to Times Square and back on more than one occasion. There’s an awesome little bar for small town guys like me called Mulligan’s on the way. I found it after I realized that most establishments wouldn’t like to cater to the sweatshirt and jeans clad clientele and figured what better way to find a decent drink in Gotham than to ask one of its working class heroes, a doorman.
I’d still love to take in my first Broadway show and do all the touristy stuff again, but money being what it is and my ever emerging social anxiety disorder…actually I think it’s more spatial anxiety disorder. I’m getting to big in britches to fit into tiny places…I find myself unwilling or unable to make the trip. So, with that in mind I give you a couple of designs for those of us who really want to love NY but just can’t commit.
With Christmas Shopping in full swing, why not give that special someone a Christmas shirt they won’t be embarrassed to wear around. M.A.M.S The Store is offering several designs with new ones added regularly. Warning, some are not kid friendly and could offend Aunt Harriet so be careful. First up, we honor the reason for the season and guess what? It’s a Celebration, Bitches! Next up, who doesn’t love A Christmas Story? Here we take some of the best memories and bastardize the hell out of them. When Ralphie muttered the Queen Mother of all dirty words, we all laughed because we’ve been there, as kids. So, why not show Mom and Dad what you really meant instead of the F dash dash dash word. When you win a major award from Italy….it said Fra Gee Lay on the box, you want to show it off in your window. And nothing says major like a fishnet stocking leg lamp. This one combines with the popular phrase “I Love Lamp,” uttered by Brick Tamland from Anchorman The Legend of Ron Burgundy with the soft warm glow of electric sex in the window inspired by the Leg Up Lamp from Christmas Story. The song goes, “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus” but I think this little girl stuck around and saw what Santa put in Mommy’s stocking. I don’t think it would have been a laugh if Daddy caught them and frankly, you have good leverage to get that pony this year. Design comes in Black, White, or “Hell, I’m embarrassed” Red on any number of style or color shirts as well as mugs, buttons, etc. And lastly, you want to let the world know exactly what you got going on by telling it like it is. I’m Hung Like a Christmas Stocking comes in two styles, short and sweet for easy reading, or a little more descriptive with the additional line (by the chimney with care) Merry Christmas, Hallelujah, Holy Shirt, where’s the Tylenol.
Depicting what might have transpired between the three wise men before they showed up at the manger with 2 out of 3 crappy gifts. The design comes in black or white with several shirt styles and colors to choose from as well as bags, mugs, and other gifts as well.
Get It’s a Celebration, Bitches!
From CaféPress and Zazzle.
Get Oh, Fudge!
from CaféPress and Zazzle
Get I Love Lamp
from CaféPress or Zazzle
I saw what else you did to Mommy
is available from CaféPress and Zazzle
I’m Hung Like a Christmas Stocking
is available from CaféPress and Zazzle
It’s been a good year for zombies. The opening of Zombieland in theaters is perfect timing for the genre. While you sit there with your popcorn, think about this, “What is your zombie plan?” Recently, the UF website listed, among other disaster preparedness exercises, a plan for the campus to handle a zombie attack. Unfortunately, as amusing as it was, the administration thought it a little silly and had it removed. Thanks to the power of the Internet, someone preserved a copy. Truthfully, this is a well thought out document. Hysterical, but well planned. I personally like the terminology of ZBSD (Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder) and the fact they have a Infected Co-worker Dispatch Form. The design uses the abbreviation of UFPD for the department above a recreation of the badge for Campus Police. Underneath the badge are the words, "University of Florida Police Department Zombie Task Force." and the stylized phrase "We're Here For You." All the standard products are there including mugs, tote bags, magnets, hats, and various shirts for the whole family. I fully expect to have this one pulled but wanted to get it out there while I tweak the design in case of Content Usage Police Force. I used my previous designs for the BPD, NYPD, and Evans City PD Zombie Task Forces as the template in creating this one.
This all flows from the fact that earlier this year, zombies have been on the brain among civil services. Pun intended. First there was the geeks that hacked an Austin DOT digital road sign and changed the message to WARNING ZOMBIES AHEAD! Then there was the Boston Police Department’s Twitter Feed explaining their transparency when dealing with a potential outbreak. Would they let us know? Absolutely.
So, of course, I’m all over this like a reanimated corpse on gray matter. I give you a designs for the...